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I have written an open letter to the Modern Language Association.

To Whom it May Concern, ie: the weiners at the MLA:

First of all, to anybody who wants to criticize my letter format or plans on making note of my spelling errors, you can just stop reading now. Your sassiness and snarky attitude are not welcome. I don't care that my heading is done wrong, or that i forgot to capitalize "I" just now, you are not better than me because you spell gooder. Bothers you doesn't it? Your dumb. Did you catch that one? I wrote your instead of you're. I don't understand it when people get bothered by other peoples grammar. (oops! forgot an apostrophe!) Im allowed to miss spel thigns if i want. The only people who have a right to get upset about grammatical and spelling errors are english teachers, and even then it is annoying because it seems like it's their job to be condescending weiners. Have you read some of the comments they write on essays? One time I got an essay back that said, "This part doesn't make sense...but nice try." and on another one, "This is what you came up with?"

I blame you MLA. You sit up there, their, they're,(circle the correct form of the word), on your high and mighty throne of grammatical correctyness. Who are you to say how I can and cannot write things? Who gave you the write to tell me how to format my papers and letters? Nobody. You weren't elected by me and therefore have no control over me.

Who are you to say that Me and Bill can't go to the park? Your poisonous propoganda (alliteration!) has infected people outside of school and affected the lives of fun loving children everywhere. I was sitting n McDonalds the other day when a kid came running up to his Dad with some exciting news, having just come from the play pen. Very excitedly the kid ran up to his dad and said "Hey Dad! Guess what! Me and Kevin got to the top of the jungle gym!" his dad looked up from his paper and instead of taking a vested interest in the kid's adventures, said, "Who?" The kid, thinking he wasn't loud enough repeated, "Me and Kevin" The Dad again said, "Who?". This happened two more times until the kid, his spirit broken and the light gone from his eyes, "corrected" himself and said, "Kevin and I." The dad didn't even care about his kid's story, he was too focused on the stupid corect way of listing two people. I can only assume he had been indoctrinated with you evil rhetoric. The blood of that boys innocence is on YOUR hands MLA.

I am writing to inform you and the world that the oppression stops now. I am officially announcing my campaign to win the Presidency of the MLA. Based on a platform of grammar reform and free ice cream for everyone, I plan on running for and winning the top seat in the Modern Language Association's heirarchy. Unless you immediately renounce your postion as the standard for modern english, I will be forced to continue in my mission to liberate the restricted pens of Men, Women, and Children everywhere. If this request is not met within the next ten days, prepare to have several thousand copies of the MLA Literature Handbook burned on your doorstep. The choice is yours, idiot faces, step down or be forced down. The line is drawn, the ink is drying, make you'RE choice.

Not Sincerely,
Jacob Walters esq.