Reindeer Games

I'd like to think that I have made some great decisions in my life. Like the decision to wear my grandpa sweater on the first day of seventh grade, or the decision to be born. That's right, I 'm taking credit for my birth.

But the best of all my decisions, and I say this with the heaviest sarcasm possible, came in the winter of my freshman year.

One of the best things about Christmas time is all the festive decorations holiday loving people put out on their lawns. There are all sorts of different decorations nowadays, you have your Santas and your candy canes. Some people go all out and have moving ferris wheels and actual trains snaking across the yard.

The one decoration that has come to live in infamy though, at least for 5 guys in La Canada, CA, is the lawn reindeer. You know what I'm talking about, the frames with christmas lights in the shape of reindeer just chillin and grazing on your lawn. Well anyway, i was at Michael's house and there were three other guys there, Jeff, Zando, and Matt. (I've left out the last names to protect the innocent. Except for Zando, his last name is Ward.) We were bored and it was only 9:30 so then I had a fantastic idea, which would also be my terrible decision.

There's is an activity among them miscreant youth that I had heard stories about and I thought it would be funny/cool to do. Excuse me for being crass, but it's called reindeer humping, and it is when you take the decorative reindeer and in peoples yards and put them in compromising positions with one another. Funny right? ya I thought so too.

When I suggested it, the idea was popular and to make a long story short we ended up doing it, or better yet, me ended up making the reindeer do it.

It must be noted however, that I did not participate in the mischeif. Ironic right? I was the one who suggested it and then I was the one who was too cowardly to even leave the car. Neverless the night progressed and several houses fell victim to the dastardly prank. The climax of the night came when we were on the way to my house to drop me off and "we" decided to get one more house on the way, less than three blocks from my home. It would have been fine if they hadn't seen us.

We got spooked and drove to the top of ocean view and camped out for five minutes in the street above mine until we felt it was safe and I walked home while they drove away. I went to bed that night with this ominous feeling that something terrible was going to happen but I didn't know what, so I just put it out of my mind and went to sleep.

The next day was a saturday so I took up my usual ritual of playing video games all day.

It was around 1 o'clock in the afternoon and I was sitting in the garage watching t.v. when my dad came in and said this.

"You're coming to the store with me."

This was odd. It was a command, not the usual question asking if I wanted to go with him.

"No thanks" I said.

"No, I would like you to come with me." He was very stern this time and he is usually never stern so I knew I better comply.

At this point I hadn't heard anything from my partners in crime the night before so I wasn't really sure what had happened.

So I go to the store with my dad, Floyd, and we are silent the entire way there. I stay in the car while he goes into the store and I sit there wondering what is going on. Obviously he wanted me to come because he wanted to tell me something, or he wouldn't have let me stay in the car, I just didn't know what it was. I was sort of worried that he knew about the night before but there was no way he could have found out what had happened. Or so I thought.
He got back in the car and as we were leaving the parking lot, he says all quiet like:
"Son, is there anything you'd like to tell me about last night?"


Uh-oh.

My heart started pounding and my face started sweating and I never have felt so scared since that moment. The smart thing to do would be to confess then and there what I had done, but when you're backed into a corner, you're less than likely to make rational desicions.

Me: "ummm, no."
Floyd: "What did you do last night?"
Me: "I don't know, we just...hung out."
Floyd:"Hmm, I see. Nothing involving reindeer?"



Again, the rational thing would have been to give up the act and admit guilt, but again, I don't make rational decisions in stressful situations.


Me: "Reindeer? What are you talking about?"

Floyd: "Matt's dad called me today and told me what you did last night. After they dropped you off they got stopped by the police, and they all got tickets."

Me: "uh-oh."
Floyd: "Yup. Uh-oh's right."

I got a pretty big lecture and I felt pretty terrible and Floyd was pretty dissapointed when I told him it had been my idea, but that I didn't participate, not sure if he believed it though. I may or may not have cried during this. I can't be sure. As part of our punishment we all had to go and apologize to the people who caught us and called the police. We gave them a poinsettia and basically said "Sorry for making you reindeer do innapropriate things." And we just stood there as the lady called us immature but appreciative of the apology. I was happy that I didn't get a ticket, and the only ones who had to pay theirs were Michael and Jeff, cause the Judge let Matt off and the court lost Zando's papers. Matt also lost his driving priveledges which meant I wasn't going anywhere for a while. All in all it was a learning experience in which I learned the following lessons:

1. Don't rearrange reindeer.
2. If Floyd makes you come to the store with him, you've done something terrible.
3. Never take Foothill Blvd as your escape route, becasue that's where the police will be.

There was a little vindication when my uncle came to visit and upon hearing the story, said to me, "You know what really cracks me up? When you get the reindeer that have the moving heads."

Awesome.