Write Now=Pun

How famous does someone have to be to write an autobiography? I realize that you don’t have to be famous at all to write one but if you want it to be published you are going to need have obtained a certain level of notoriety. I think that is why so many random people blog, like me, I’ll probably never be famous enough to write an autobiography so I put random thoughts on here hoping a few people will read it and pay me compliments, cause that’s what all of are ultimately after right? Compliments.
I like to fancy myself a writer, even though I’ve never written anything longer than anything on here and I am currently failing English. But I feel like I really could write a novel or something if I just set my mind to it but my attention span is the same as a goldfish and every time I write something I come back to it and realize that it really sucked.
My whole plan is to become a teacher in the public education system, because let’s be honest, it’s a pretty easy job and it provides me the opportunity to give those unfortunate enough to be stuck in high school an at least competent teacher that enjoys his job. The earnings from my best selling novel will more than make up for my scant teacher salary and I will be able to support my family of four in a lakeside home in Connecticut. (our summer home is in the English Country side). By that time I will be famous enough to write an autobiography or maybe even a memoir. (I think you have to be slightly more famous to write a memoir but I’m not really sure what the difference is, I’d look it up online but I’m in the library and you need a password from the front desk to access the wi-fi and I still owe them $87, so we’ll go without for now.) I’m even thinking about writing the autobiography first because I’m not sure I can trust my future self to do it, especially if he is anything like my current self. That way, all I would have to do is fill in what has happened since now and I would be set. That’s the plan anyway.
But don’t worry, if that doesn’t work out I have an even better back up plan. Today I read in National Geographic that NASA is planning to send a manned mission to the moon in 2018. That puts me at 26 years old, and I have no idea how you do it, but I am going to be an astronaut. I want to walk on the moon really bad. Plus, if I become an astronaut and go to space then I can still write an autobiography.
If I ever do become a famous writer then there will be a question on Jeopardy that is like: “This best-selling author failed an English class in High School” Buzz “Who is Jackal Smith?” “That is correct, you now have the lead.”
Jackal Smith is my pen name, or at least one of them. The other is Rex Condor and a third is Jenkem Walters, but that is for more controversial works. Having a pen name is so much better than using your real one. That gives me an idea, time to go open up a library card under Maverick Stallworth.
Until next time,
-Jackal

Focusing in the Library

Typing for the sake of typing is sort of comforting in a way because it makes you feel like you are being productive but in reality you are completely ignoring what you set out to do. There are a million different distractions that can catch my gaze and I give in to every single one of them. Focus is not something that I succeed at. There is always something more interesting going on around me that I want to witness. Why do something boring when something interesting is going on? Because if you don’t, then your grades get screwed up and you have to take remedial English come summertime . I might as well do the work now when its cold and rainy outside with not much else to do instead of when it is sunny and warm and the number of interesting things going on around you increase ten-fold. That’s what I tell myself, but I am a very unconvincing person.
You would think that the library would be a good place to focus on your work but you’d be surprised. The problem with the library is that other people are always there. Especially small public libraries, there are always tons of people .On television you always get this idea that libraries are quiet places where you can do intense studying or meeting you soul-mate. I have yet to do either in a library, let alone anywhere, especially the first one. Like I mentioned before I have a focus problem.
Getting distracted is like doing jenkem, you know you shouldn’t do it and you’ll regret it terribly at some point but you just can’t stay away. Not that I do jenkem, because that is absolutely disgusting. It’s an addiction, if you will. My mom thinks I have ADD but that’s just crazy talk. I’ve seen those kids with A.D.D. and I’m fairly sure that I don’t have it, but the fact that it took me an hour just to type this much doesn’t really help my case.
Whoa! There I go again getting off topic , I was talking about libraries but I got distracted by the kid and tutor sitting next to me having a conversation about flux capacitors. They had no idea what they were talking about, and I was going to offer to show them the one I had in my DeLorean, but they left before I could muster up the courage to not be shy.
My being prone to distraction has gotten me into some pretty sticky situations before, like the time I got distracted by talk radio and went 88 on the freeway(there were a lot more distractions in 1955.) , or when instead of writing a paper for English I did an experiment in my kitchen(This one was quite literallt a "sticky situation" never mix mint jelly, baking soda, and vinegar over an open flame.)
I went to go buy one of old, cheap books they have up in the front of the library but the librarian asked me for my library card. I told her that I didn’t have one and she asked me if I would like to get one. I told that I would not because I don’t like being able to be tracked. She assured me that they didn’t give out the information to anyone and then I made the point that that is exactly what she would say if they did give my information to other shady organizations. She couldn’t argue with my logic but I still need a card in order to buy the book so I just said “Forget you” and walked away.
The truth is that I really do have a library card and I give my information away to complete strangers for no reason but I didn’t want them to know that because I have an outstanding fine of about $87 in overdue fees that I owe. I’ve come to accept the fact that never again will I be able to check out a book, but it’s just one of those things you have to live with… like polio .
This whole thing has been a huge distraction. I get distracted on top of distractions. I have no idea what I’m going to do for a career. Hopefully not a surgeon because focusing on your triple bypass is way less interesting than Tetris on my cell phone.
Whatever I do end up being, I know that it will be the right job for me, and no matter how distracted I may get or how terrible of a job I may do,I take comfort in knowing that I will always be able to sleep at night…because I have no soul*.

*I handed it over for 3 new pennies and a ham and cheese sandwhich.