Concerning Recorders

The instrument known as the recorder is legitimately impossible to play.

Sort of.

I say that because I once witnessed no less than 40 third-graders play "You're a Grand Old Flag" in perfect unison. It was breathtaking.

So when I recently purchased a recorder I figured it would be no sweat. If a bunch of 8 year olds could master some simple patriotic tunes in a matter of a couple days it would take me no time to go from musical novice to woodwind prodigy.

I was wrong.

I brought the recorder home and was immediately met with the challenge of trying to produce a pleasant sounding note from what is probably the worst sounding instrument ever constructed. I failed to recall that even though those third-graders played in unison it sounded pretty horrible and the breathtaking part was because I was eating a fairly large sandwich and I used to get pretty winded while eating.

Anyway.

I spent twenty dollars on an instrument that I lost interest in fifteen minutes later. It's been sitting in my closet for the past four months, mocking me.

All I wanted was to be able to play Concerning Hobbits to impress a girl.

Side Note: Only now as I write out that sentence do I realize the contradictory nature of such a plan.

Regardless, it was a goal that I have only since been able to place in the failure column of my goals chart. It sits there forlornly along with "exercise once a week" and "stop saying mean things to girls, even if they are stuck up hags".

I retain possession of the devil flute merely as a reminder that some things in life cannot be accomplished and also as a means of interrupting my roommates sleep schedule.

I dare anyone else to eat the cookies I am saving for myself as a reward for doing all of my homework. I guarantee you will regret it when I play the one song I was able to compose, "The Call of the Dying Sparrow", right in your sleeping ear.

Another side note: It turns out that there is no place for Recorder players in BYU's school of music.

Third side note: High School was seriously nothing like the hit TV show "Saved by the Bell" made me think it was going to be.