Because I Care

I guess you can call me a humanitarian...because I only eat humans. Sorry that was a cheap joke but it helps me introduce my topic for this post because what I'm going to write here is something I feel very strongly about.

The other day I asked myself, "Self, what are you doing to make a difference in this world?" I thought for a little while and came up with the following list of things I am doing to make the world better:

1. I give firm handshakes (there is nothing worse than a dead fish handshake)
2. I pet dogs
3. I burn all my trash (no need to crowd the landfills!)
4. I gave a quarter to a vagabond
5. I refuse to listen to techno

All of these things are great for the world, but even after I came up with this list I was left with an empty feeling inside, and even after 6 rice krispy treats and several glasses of lemonade it was still there.
I deduced that the emptiness was there because I was doing some but I wasn't doing enough.

So I looked at myself in the mirror for a long time and then all of a sudden it came to me!
I needed to start a non-profit to fight disease, not sure which disease, I haven't decided yet but I've already come up with the name for my life saving venture.
It's called "Mustache for the Cure" and not only will it help people who suffer from an as of yet undetermined disease, but it will once again return the Mustache to it's rightful place as an image of sexiness and manly pride. For far too long has it been a symbol of child predators and creepy uncles.

The focus of this movement will be to raise funds for those among us having to deal with debilitating disease. What will happen is we will get male volunteers who will agree to grow mustaches after they receive sponsorship from one or many donors. A donor will pledge X amount of dollars and the volunteer will grow a mustache. It is sort of like Relay for Life but a lot sexier.(Relay for Life is cool though and I suggest you check them out if you don't know what it is)

I'm going to need some backing from large corporations and beloved public figures, *cough*Rose Queen*cough* but most importantly I need support from you, especially those of you who can grow mustaches.

Together we can change the world, one fuzzy upper lip at a time.

P.S. Some other names/ideas I came up with for good causes:

1. Hip Upper Lips (not meant to be a charity, just a club for cool mustaches)

Soul Patch Soldiers (organized disaster relief with teams comprised entirely of men with soul patches)

Die Communists Die (pretty self explanatory)

P.S.S. Happy Birthday Saige Miley.