The Great Escape

Valentines day is a fantastic day for napping. Nothing eases the pain of loneliness and depression, as good as being unconsious does. Sleep is a great way to get out of things, like important desicions for instance. Anytime anyone asks you something important you can just say "I'll sleep on it" which is complete bull crap because I do my worst thinking when I'm asleep, in fact I don't do any thinking. I'm not even sure it is possible to think while asleep. I wish I was as smart in first grade as I am now. Actually, let me rephrase that, because I think I was smarter in first grade than I am now, What I meant was, I wish I had known about the "sleeping as a defense" theory back then cause I think it would have saved a lot of emotional heartache. Allow me to explain:

It was a rainy morning in April during first grade ,please take note of the fact that it was April, and Junior Chorus practice had just ended just like it did every Tuesday morning. In case you were wondering, I was a soprano...along with everyone else, except for one Alto,but he had been held back in the third grade. Anyway, I was retreiving my backpack which was shaped like a baseball, when I was approached by Karen.
In first grade, I did not like people, especially girls, and especially Karen. My reccess activities included, walking the perimeter of the playground several times, being the hula hoop champion, talking to myself, and coming up with ways to weird the other kids out so they wouldn't talk to me. So needless to say I was very wary when Karen approached me with a paper something in her hand.
She stopped right in front of me and I think I tried to move around her but she moved to block my path. She handed me the homemade card she was holding and asked, "Will you be my valentine?" I opened up the paper and sure enough, it was a homemade Valentine card.
I had no idea how to react to this. Nothing in my six years of existence had prepared me for this moment. Looking back, I realize that what I should have said was. "I'll sleep on it" but I was much more logically practical than that because what I did say was, "Save it for Valentines day." Which is a very cold and heartless thing to say, but then again, at that age I was very cold and heartless. and also it was the middle of friggen April.
Luckily i never had to find out if she really did save it for valentines day because by the next year she had moved away.
But that doesn't mean there were no lasting effects from the incident. Ever since that day I have never had a request to be a Valentine. It's like the curse of the Bambino, (except that curse was broken when the 2004 Red Sox won the world series) . Which is perfectly okay with me, because to be honest, I still sort of don't like people and I still do weird things so they won't talk to me.
But if you really want to be my Valentine, just submit a request through my secretary and I promise you...I will sleep on it.