World Record (Possibly)

NOTE: I orginally wrote this bacck in June of '08. I mentioned it in my latest post so here it is:

Monday, June 9, 2008

World Record(possibly)
Last summer I feel that I set a world record that few would ever dare challenge. I was on a backpacking trip in Yosemite Valley where they have very strict rules concerning litter and garbage. These rules include requiring all backpackers to carry out their own trash, including used toilet paper. Aparantly I was the only one in my group who found this completely revolting and unnecissary. On previous trips it had been customary to bury the toilet paper with the rest of the what-not in a hole in the ground. Apparantly this doesn't fly in Yosemite since rain washes out the toilet paper and the bears eat it making them sick, so I guess they'd rather us humans get some poop related disease than the bears. When I found this out I was repulsed and I decided that I was not going to do it one way or another. The leaders would be strictly following this rule since they did not want to get stuck with the ridiculous fine that comes with violation of the toilet paper rule. This meant that I could not just bury it anyway since they would get suspicious if I came back to camp without my feciated paper.I then came up with an ingenious plan. I would simply not go poop. There was no way I would ever carry my own schmere on my back. The trip was going to be a week long, Monday to Saturday, six days in total. I had never attempted this before and was worried that I would not be able to make it. Attempting this is risky, all sorts of things could go wrong, but then I thought of my waste bag accidentally opening in my backpack creating a catastrophe of monstamental proportions.It was easier to accomplish than I imagined. I never had to 'hold' it in. I never even had the sensation of having to go poopie. This was partly due to the fact that my tent mate(I'm looking at you Karl) and I did not bring enough food to feed ourselves, leaving us near starvation at the end of the week.I am quite proud of my accomplishment mostly because it was the first time I really completed a goal that I had set out to do. P.S. When I got home from the trip and finally did relieve myself, I lost a whole three pounds and clogged the toilet. Without toilet paper.

Experiment? or Experiance? or Experiancment? All of them.

Three months ago La Canada was on fire. This was a drag mostly because I wasn't allowed to enter my own house and I smelled like an illegal immigrant's dog(have you ever actually smelled one!?!?!?), but some good did come out of it as a matter of fact. School was supposed to start on August 31st but, due to the gym being used as an evac center and the cancer causing levels of smoke in the air, school was postponed.(Dear School board, Heed God's warning and don't try to pull this "starting in August" stuff again. He's less forgiving the second time, just ask the Israelites.) So i had an extra day that i wasn't planning on and needless to say I didn't really have anything to do. I was driving around town with my sister Cristina and the thought popped into my head that i should go and see a movie. I hadn't been to the movies in a while and I wanted to see one that had just come out. Cristina didn't want to go so I dropped her off at Starbucks and made my way to the Cinema to see "Julie & Julia". First of all let's get over the fact that I went by myself and the fact that the movie I chose to see was "Julie & Julia" and get right to the point. This movie inspired me, as stated above, to write a blog but in a life as unexciting as mine there isn't much to write about.



Then I found this:

It was fate! This is so perfect, I said to myself. This is my chance to really make my mark, to fill the empty space in my life. Just as Julie cooked a bunch of crap I'm going to experiment a bunch of crap. Is it coincidence that there are 365 experiments in this book, which also happens to be how many days there are in a year? I think not. This book is screaming "Do my experiments! and then blog about it!" I'm calling it the Jacob/Churchill/Loesching/Mandell Project since those are the names of the Authors. I realize that in order to make this the most exciting I should do one a day but that' s just not humanly possible so be prepared to get lied to. I'm thinking the start date will be December 1st. I'll recap all the experiments I do at the end of each week. A personal challenge like this on is unprecedented. This almost rivals my triumph of not pooping for an entire week but that is a completely different/painful /true story.

As a side note, these experiments will come in handy when I make my venture into elementary education after retiring from profesional homlessness (a long time dream of mine).

Thanks for making your opinion heard...But I still hate you.

I was educated on Tuesday in a way that I really rather would not have been. I was walking to lunch when I was subjected to see a male classmate wearing a skirt. Besides the obvious offense to my eyes, there was a twinge of anger and disdain deep down inside of me, completely unrelated to my bigotry and homophobia. My question was why? Why would anybody ever do this outside of rampant homosexuality? (Because as it turns out, this guy isn't gay...at least not officially).
I had the questions and I wanted answers. After inquiring, it was revealed that the senior high school student, we'll call him Chaz, was wearing the skirt to make a point to the oppressive school administration. He was standing up for a student in Texas who was expelled for wearing a skirt to school and refusing to take it off when prompted to do so by school officials.(Note: a quick google search yielded no results for such a news story, http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF8&rlz=1T4HPNN_en___US209&q=boy+in+texas+expelled+for+wearing+skirt+to+school but hey, who am I to rain on Chaz's fight the power parade?) His point was that he should be able to wear a skirt to school and they shouldn't be allowed to tell him to take it off.
We asked Chaz if any of the teachers had told him to take the skirt off and he said no. Turns out he's not as oppressed as he had hoped. But don't worry Chaz! Your courage to stand up for what is right really struck an emotional chord deep within me...let's fight for our skirtless brothers everywhere!
Oh my goodness, just when I thought I couldn't see anything that makes me lose faith in my fellow adolescents even more this has to happen. Let's look at the issues that we youth are most concerened about in this day and age:

1. Shoeless children in Africa-luckily there is a trendy way to fix this one
2. Healthcare-Thank goodness Jesus is the president (Did you know that Jesus is black? weird.)
3.Oppression- Let's all wear skirts to school! That'll show em.

Why can't some kid come to school and stand up for something legitimate, because in all honesty, who gives a crap about some jerk in Texas who got expelled for wearing a friggen skirt? I sure don't. He should have just sucked up whatever manhood he had left,(it's unlikely that he had any) and changed out of the skirt. I can say without a single reservation or hesitation that the world is not a better place because of you Chaz. You should go fight for your right to wear your skirt in Iran where they won't tell you to take it off, they'll just stone you. But thanks for you unwavering courage anyway...psych.